She rages on...

I'm at a loss. I give. She wins. Parenting this way is a nightmare and I don't know how to do it.

Courtney is my gorgeous, intelligent, amazing 9 year old daughter. She challenges every fiber of my being. She is so controlling and nosey and if she doesn't like what's said to her or the way her brother looked at her and she keeps repeating STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT over and over again until she is screaming at the top of her lungs. It's unstoppable. Then she needs her asthma inhaler which I don't even think she really needs but she is hyper ventilating and then she is nauseated and melts into a puddle. Then a whopping pounding headache occurs that she's screaming about like she's dying. Ahhhh I'm exhausted just typing it. I hug her, give her tylenol and she is back to normal and the reason she was freaking out is suddenly unimportant. ahhhhhhhhhhhh how to I make it stop. Humans look at people. Kids are kids, if my 5 year old doesn't do it right the way Courtney tells her to in the game they are playing Courtney screams at her. I'm most sad for Reagan about that part. It's not right and now I think Reagan is doing it at Kindergarten.

All consequences in her life are somehow my fault. I take a way a privilege because I've had to ask her 15 times to get dressed for school. It's all my fault. She has a matte in her hair because she didn't brush it before she went to bed and I am supposed to get it out for her and it's all my fault. She goes into a complete rage when I suggest the thought of cutting her hair shorter so it's easier for her to care for. It's down to her waist for crying out loud. She sits at her homework and stares at it and it's my fault when she goes to school when it's not done. Rage on little girl rage on. I am at my wits end. I do not get physical with her. When I have to get out the door to get my other kids to school I just take on the roll as if she is a toddler but I have been kicked in the throat before. It's tough. One time she screamed until her nose bled.

I'm so lost I don't know where to turn. We have NO IDEA if she's having seizures in the night. The doctor seems completely unconcerned about it. The teacher at school said she's gone from straight A B student to almost failing if this continues. These last two years have been living hell. She is making it living hell for each and ever other person in this family of 5. It's not fair. Reagan is starting to act like her. Jordan laughs when she does it. He's so mellow that he doesn't understand. If you don't react to her or you ignore her issues she climbs right in your face and growls and stomps like she's going to fake hitting you.

Ahhhhhh I'm hoping typing this out helps me relieve some of this stress. We are having 1 to 2 rages per day lately and it's been 2 today. I'm spent. She did do her homework though. Thank you lord. She socializes just fine so why can't she function with her family? After her seizure she seemed to stop raging and I thought it was the Prozac that the pediatrician put her on. He upped it recently in hopes it would help but WOW so far no go. Worse not better. Where is my beautiful baby girl? I know she's in there. I glimpses of her and I want to soak up as much as I can when she's there so I can get through these times.